The Toolbox Murders (2004)

A boring, lousy remake of an entertaining, lousy horror film. Like the original, it takes place in a decrepit Hollywood apartment complex, chock-a-block with disposable wanna-be starlets who all have a date with the claw side of a hammer. Other than that, it bears no resemblance to director Dennis Donnelly's 1978 version. Legend Tobe Hooper directs this time, continuing his career's downward trajectory (how low can it go?). Stupid "updates" like the addition of mystery and supernatural elements come off as comical, and instead of Cameron Mitchell's icky persona, we get a faceless, humanity-free rubber monster. Tobe Hooper sucks. There, I said it. Texas Chainsaw? Sure, it's great...however, that was thirty-seven years ago. What else? Funhouse (1981) is silly and...well, fun. And as far as Poltergeist (1982), you can't tell me that Steven Spielberg didn't direct ninety percent of that. This was directed by someone who was asleep at the wheel, or didn't give a shit, and was grimly collecting a paycheck.